So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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