So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
