Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
