I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
