I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
