i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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