i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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