Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Another day, another engagement, another cat
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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