My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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