Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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