i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
