After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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