I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My life is pants optional.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
