i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
