i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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