You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
