If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
