Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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