I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
