His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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