I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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