Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
