Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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