If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
