why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
