morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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