I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
