Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
