Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
