Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
