Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
