Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
