All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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