It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
