I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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