after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
