Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
