you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
