I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
