i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
