There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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