yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
