yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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