I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
