The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
