ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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