i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
