Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
