My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
