Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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