You're earring is so big in my mouth
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
