he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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